I have been in prime self-destructive mode all week.  Maybe the last three weeks.  I don’t know.  I feel like I’m going crazy.

I think it’s because my sister is turning 16 soon and my mom is not going to let me be there.  I miss her so much…it likes an ache inside me all the time.  I’ve been dreaming about her lately.   It’s been eating me up inside and I’ve been eating it up literally, I’ve been just eating way too much the last week, and it’s bad for my body but even worse for me emotionally because I feel so bad about acting so self-destructive.  It’s what’s called maladaptive behavior. I wonder what healthy adaptive behavior would be in this situation…but I’m not really sure…

I miss her so much…

Here’s to waking up and dealing with the pain better tomorrow.  Wish me luck.