I’ve been sick with a minor cold for the last two weeks. I finally felt better Saturday morning. Then, suddenly on Sunday afternoon, my sour throat returned, but it hurt easily three times as much. It woke me up in the middle of the night. This morning I decided to cut Stage Combat and go to the Student Health Center. I worried about this decision. Did I just think my sour throat was worse, when really it was the same? Was I just imagining it? Do I just have a ridiculously low pain tolerance? Was I just cutting Stage Combat because I’m lazy? It’s only the second week of school–was I going to start a pattern of truancy already? Would the doctor at Urgent Care laugh at me? I mean, a sour throat? Really? Shouldn’t I just make a regular appointment, which is cheaper anyway?
However, as it turned out, they ran some tests and I did indeed have Strep Throat. It was a good thing I got on antibiotics so quickly; I won’t be contagious starting tomorrow. I have a lot of commitments this week I can’t miss, and I’m really glad I got on the antibiotics as soon as I did. If I had just ignored my symptoms, and gone to work later in the day, I would have probably gotten a lot of people sick (I’m working fast food). My doubts and worries were not unfounded.
It’s very important to me that my perceptions are accurate. Of course, no one’s perception is completely accurate. God sees things as they are; we mortals see things as we are. But I work (try, analyze) very hard to make sure my perceptions are as accurate as they can be, because I don’t want to end up like my crazy mom. Her perceptions are always very, very far from reality. I always worry that I am like that; that my perceptions are way off. I’m also (paradoxically) afraid that maybe I’m just imagining that my mom is psycho, and that she’s really a good mom and I’m the psycho one. I know that’s not true, but I am still afraid of it.
So really, I was very glad when I got diagnosed with Strep Throat. It was validation, really that 1-I don’t have a ridiculously low pain tolerance 2- I can tell when I am legitimately ill and need immediate medical attention; that it is not all in my head 3- That I wasn’t just skipping class because I’m lazy; I was legitimately ill 4- I am capable of taking care of myself 5- My perceptions are accurate.
can I just say that I love you? and I think you’re far from being irrational . . . no one has to be perfect to be a reasonable human being!
Thank you Amanda. You are so sweet–I love you too!